The central communication skill in harmonious relationships is telling the truth. There are many benefits from being able to tell the bottom line truth to your partner. First, it increases liveliness in each partner and in the relationship; clear, truthful communication opens a deeper Love and flow of intimacy. Second, clear communication that sticks to basic sensations and individual experience prevents argument.
It's also the single skill everybody requires and near instantly aligns and elevates all of their relationships with family, friends, and more.
Almost everyone that steps into a Soul Expansion program comments about their lack of communication. I commonly hear, "Either they don't understand me," or "we don't talk at all."
I find individuals have developed their own private language, a shorthand communication style that they understand perfectly and are bewildered if their partner or someone else doesn't. For example, Dick may complain, "You know, I just get a little weird at the end of work projects. Jane should just roll with that." Jane may wonder if Dick grows extra body hair and prowls at night when he gets "weird," especially if she's supposed to "roll with that."
It is reminiscent of one of my favorite (and clearly influential) cartoon strips of all-time; The Far Side. Have a laugh, but please don't be dismissive. We can apply the brilliance of Gary Larson's observation by simply replacing "Ginger" with just about anybody.
I have identified some basic truth skills that greatly enhance the quality of communication. When I talk about telling the truth, I am referring to the ability to communicate the details of what is going on in any given moment in a way that doesn't blame anyone else.
In Soul Expansion sessions and workshops, I call this skill the microscopic truth because it is a way of seeing and expressing experience that is descriptive and specific rather than interpretive and vague. It also is a choice... a conscious choice.
Tip: Need some guidance with learning how to tune your body/mind/soul and express yourself? Click here to enjoy the gift of a Complimentary Discovery Session.
Another essential truth-telling skill is accepting responsibility to communicate until the other person comprehends your words and your intention. Many people have settled into verbal generalizations such as okay, fine, pressured, nice, better, uptight, etc.
These words may be somewhat clear to the speaker but a foreign language to the listener. The assumption that your partner should "just know" what you mean can create unnecessary distance.
Some people are communication victims. They wait for their partners to bring up an issue or topic, then reluctantly respond in a passive style. A creative and responsible approach to communication is based on offering the truth through transparency, not waiting until it's dragged out of you.
This is one of the greatest factors I've determined for success of relationships. When feelings and thoughts are not freely offered, but instead withheld, victimization and resentments abound.
Tip: Need some guidance with discovering how to become great with being transparent? Click here to enjoy the gift of a Complimentary Discovery Session.
A common communication problem I hear is, "I don't know what the truth is. Is the truth what I'm feeling, or what I think my partner is ready to hear? Don't I have a responsibility to be sensitive to my partner's feelings?" Many of the activities in Soul Expansion programs are designed to identify the body sensations associated with and expressing the truth as distinct from the body sensations associated with withholding it. From an internal ground of knowing when you are in touch with the truth and when you are withholding, you'll discover that finding the right time for the truth sorts itself out. If you are willing and ready to tell the truth all the time, many of the obstacles to open communication simply disappear.
The most demanding aspect of clear communication is maintaining it in times of conflict and upset, when you are "between a rock and a hard place." If you practice these communication activities over time when conflict is not present, you'll establish some new behaviors to make it natural during the stuck times, when most of us tend to revert to familiar patterns and contract.
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