Living With Your Lie

You may have learned through the Soul Expansion process that there is clearly a “lie” in every belief.

In order to even begin to have healthy relationships, it is helpful to start by looking at what you think about them. The truth is, just because you believe something doesn’t mean it is true. And, just because you don’t believe something doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Ultimately, our beliefs do not impact the truth, but they do impact us. Our beliefs rule our behaviour, and it is imperative that we take a moment to identify our beliefs and then either discard them, replace them, or choose to live consciously (instead of unconsciously).

The problem is that few of us are trained to question our own beliefs―unchallenged false beliefs have the power to alter our decisions and limit what we are able to accomplish. When we use these limiting beliefs as our unconscious guideposts for our decision-making, they impact every aspect of our wellbeing, including our relationships. If we think something is dangerous, impossible, or too hard, we may not venture to do it. Imagine how many marriages have led to divorce because of the belief that nothing could be done to make the marriage healthier; or how many relationships failed due to the belief that the only solution was that the other person had to change; or many the dates never took place due to the belief that, if asked, he or she would say no.

Today, take a little time to examine your beliefs about yourself and relationships, challenge those beliefs, and then determine whether those beliefs are serving you. I’ve been asked many times in Soul Expansion sessions and workshops, “If all beliefs contain a lie, then how do I know which to believe?” My answer is concise: “If it is a belief that supports Love for yourself and others, then keep it. If it doesn’t, then don’t.”

If your beliefs serve your intention of having healthy self-Love and balanced relationships, great. If not, it is time to explore a new mindset―one that emphasizes your personal power for creating and maintaining Love in your life and relationships.

The following is a list of common relationship beliefs that don’t serve relationships well. As you read through the list, notice whether these are beliefs that you hold―consciously or unconsciously.

Toxic beliefs to be challenged:

  • Once I’ve fallen out of Love, that is that―I can’t get it back.
  • What I have experienced in the past is likely what I will experience in the future.
  • My partner has to do something different in order for our relationship to work.
  • I can’t improve the relationship by myself; it takes two.
  • I need different conditions to make my relationship work (ie: if only had a job, didn’t have kids, had kids, had more money, weighed less, were more trusting, he hadn’t cheated, she liked sharing Love more, etc.)
  • I am powerless to change my life.
  • Love relationships don’t require work. They should be purely magical.
  • If this relationship doesn’t work, I will never have Love again.
  • I’ve never been in a relationship that lasted; this one probably won’t either.
  • Men (or women) aren’t trustworthy.

Now, read through the following list of empowering beliefs, noticing the difference in the way you feel as you read them. Notice if an old belief is being challenged, and just for the sake of the exercise, try on some new beliefs to see if they serve you better. (You can always have the old ones back, in the unlikely event that you ever want to live that way again.)

Empowering beliefs to try on:

  • I can fall in Love again. In fact, Love has never left me, I have just closed to it. I can clear the obstacles between Love and me―and between me and my partner.
  • With new skills and tools, I can create new experiences.
  • I take full responsibility for the quality of my relationship.
  • I can improve my experience of this relationship with or without my partner’s involvement.
  • It is my response to circumstances (context)―not the circumstances themselves (content)―that dictate the quality of my relationships.
  • I am powerful and able to change―or simply enjoy―my life.
  • Love is unlimited. As long as I am loving, I will never be without Love.
  • No relationship lasts until one does! This one can be the one.
  • I trust myself to be able to handle any situation that I encounter. I trust _______ (fill-in: God, Creator, Source, Universe, etc.) to provide me with experiences that will help me grow wiser, stronger, and more compassionate.

This set of empowering beliefs speaks of possibility, while the set of false beliefs speaks of impossibility. Starting today, see if you can become aware of when you are “feeding” a belief that limits possibility and consciously switch to a belief that serves you―and your relationships―better.

Exercise: What are Your Beliefs?

Make a list of your limiting beliefs about yourself and relationships. Write them down as in the example above so that you can examine them.

If you're having difficulty coming up with a list, try working backwards and looking at the decisions you have made—and then identify the belief that led to that decision: Did you avoid trying out for a sport because you thought you couldn't play well enough? Did you stop yourself from having kids because you didn’t believe you would be a good parent? Did you take a job you didn’t want because you believed that no one else would hire you? Did you stay in an unhealthy relationship because you thought you'd never find someone else? Do you avoid telling the truth to your partner about how you feel because you believe he or she doesn’t feel the same way, or won’t care?

Look at each belief and ask yourself: Is this really true? Can this be changed with practice? Can this be changed by simply choosing a new belief? If you know the belief is true with no hope for change, then it is not supporting Love for yourself and/or others and I encourage you to practice self-acceptance by changing the way you talk to yourself about that issue.

For each of the limiting beliefs that you wrote down in the previous step, write an alternate, empowering belief that you could replace it with. I encourage you to carry your new beliefs with you for a while. I also suggest sharing these empowering belief(s) with your relationships and ask them to reflect for increased awareness and opportunities to align. Be inspired! Remember, your beliefs and thoughts are simply the responses you chose, and it is possible to make a new choice.

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